"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Thursday, March 18, 2010

40 Days

March 17, 2010, marks the 4oth day since Marcus' passing. Though in our hearts we know he is in heaven already, we celebrate this day to formally send him up to be with God our Father and be with the rest of our loved ones, most especially his Grandpa Jaime.

We offered mass for our dear Marcus, just as my family here in the Philippines and my siblings in France and San Francisco did. Although we weren't all together during this day, our hearts and minds were ONE filled with the Love and thought of our precious little boy.

40 days... I find myself much more emotional and in deep grief whenever I think about our little boy. I feel his loss even more now compared to the past few weeks. I look at his pictures, listen to his music, and recite his prayers and my tears flow like waterfalls. I often have a hard time breathing because the combination of the pain and my asthma make it even more difficult.

After mass, we had everyone tie a small card to balloons with a prayer for Marcus and each wrote a personal note before releasing it. It read:

Oh, Little Angel

Oh, little boy, we looked forward to the day you would be born,
But alas, the Lord left us forlorn.
You didn't leave us without a fight.
You fought to stay on Earth with all your might.
You are now resting in the heavens above,
You left surrounded by your family's strong love.
Our arms are now empty, our hearts are so sad,
You will always be remembered by your mom and your dad.
So to God your tiny soul we release.
We know that your heart is at eternal peace.

It was written by Mary Tetzlaff. What a fitting tribute by a loving parent to her son. We couldn't help but borrow her words to send our darling Marcus to heaven.

When the day drew to a close, I asked Jet, "Where do we go from here?"

Jet calmly replied, "We move on."

I can sense she was trying to be strong for the both of us, because I'm at my weakest right now.

Marcus left us but he didn't leave us empty handed. Although he isn't with us physically, he filled our hearts. He left us and filled our hearts with our Love for him. He left us and filled our hearts with Love of family and friends. He left us and filled our hearts with Love for one another. A gift of love that will never be broken and that will strengthen as each day passes when we think of him, always reminding us.

I thank the Lord and Marcus, for filling my heart with love that is even greater than ever before. Love for my parents, my siblings, my sister's husbands, Alexis, the Torres family, Lola, our friends, and most especially Jet.

To my darling Marcus, I love you and your Mama more and more each day!

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