"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Monday, July 04, 2011

A reminder

It's been months since I last put my thoughts and feelings into writing. Most especially when I miss Marcus.  To be honest, I miss it. Nowadays, I've been quite preoccupied putting together a new business venture brought about Marcus' Love. Truthfully, I enjoy every minute of what I am doing right now, thanks to my baby boy. I can feel success just over the horizon. A project with a purpose and meaning.

As I go about my day, preparing for another work week, I find myself in a quiet room. I sit in front of the altar where we place Marcus' picture and Urn with his ashes. Beside me is our lovely little puppy Lola. She has kept me company all day, right on the couch as we wait for her mama to return home. I picked up on a favorite book we used to read while going through the process, "Born to Fly."

As I read on, my eyes felt cloudy, chest becomes tight, tears fall, feels like yesterday. The only difference I guess is that I am not sad, I just miss him.  I like feeling this way once in while because I feel like I reconnect with my Marcus. I often pray and ask that he would visit me in my dreams. Just cannot get enough of his handsome face that I want to see him even in my sleep.

Not a day goes by that I do not think about my son, I believe that every an hour or so Marcus enters my heart and mind at least once. Lately, many challenges and trials have been put upon us. Yet, I do not despair for this too will pass. Why? Because I have faith and hope that everything will turn out right. My son ever being so close to God, reminds me every step of the way to be patient and focus. Instantly, I feel better.

I feel so fortunate to have my son watching us everyday. Though there will be more challenges and trials, I'm not afraid because I am surrounded by love. I am forever grateful, you inspire me everyday my son. Papa is a better person because of you. Thank you for always reminding Papa. I love you dearly my boy!