"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Today Marks Half a Year

Today marks Marcus' supposed sixth month birthday. Many, mostly family and friends, are probably wondering how Jhon and Jet are. 

Just last night, Marcus visited me again in my dream. I wasn't filled with sadness because my son and I had a short conversation which revealed the answer I have been praying for. How can I be sad with an answer from God delivered by my sweet angel baby boy. It's a secret that he and I have, and in time this secret will be revealed.

Yesterday, when Jet and I were talking about the day that will be Marcus' sixth month brought about a conversation about our baby in the future tense. We talked about how Marcus would have been chubby, starting to move about, or just simply alive and well. Are we crazy? Is it denial? I don't think so, I see it more as hope and anticipation that one day we will be reunited with our baby boy in heaven, never to part again. 

Occasionally, we'd experience many emotional moments. The difference from just a few months ago and now is that we both can take a deep breath and move on. It's not because we don't want to release our emotions, it's because we'd want to be able to continue working on the projects made possible by our son's love, and most importantly, a promise we made to our son that we would live our life to the fullest.

I often tell Jet that I like the person that I am now. I feel and believe I am a much better person all around. I have a much much better outlook in life, and the future. I try my best to be a better person to everyone around me. I feel that life is too short to worry about small issues or petty circumstances. There are many more important things that need attention. I am more positive and I have my son to thank for this new found outlook in our life.

So if you ask how Marcus' parents are today? The answer lies in all that we are setting out to do. In all of our projects, our relationship with each other, our family, and our friends. Though we are not completely healed, we are taking "baby steps" and moving towards a more positive tomorrow.

For now, on our son's sixth month birthday, I just want to give some time to remember my son, light him a candle and pray for his eternal peace. I still wish to cuddle him, hold his hand, and kiss his tiny lips even just for a moment. I know it's not possible but I will always and forever long for him, and till that day comes I will be grateful that God gave us our Marcus... 

Papa Loves you very much baby Marcus!!!