"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Thursday, February 05, 2015

On Your 5th Birthday, My Love

My dear Baby Marcus,

Happy, Happy Birthday my Love! You would’ve been 5 years old now. How time flies. Your Papa and I were counting today, “Has it really been 5 years?” I can only imagine how big and handsome you would be by now. But as God wanted it, you will be our forever baby, our angel baby in Heaven. 

Today, your Papa and I, together with Lola Talula of course, and Tita Belle, Ate Mica, and Kuya Miguel, heard Holy Mass for you. We had the priest bless you and he asked how old you would have been today. Then he asked if your Papa and I are planning to have another baby. I just told him, “Someday, maybe, soon.”

How are you, my love? Your Papa and I miss you terribly - most especially today. You know, we try to live our lives “normally” each day but today, we could not help but cry and mourn your loss once again. I looked through your blog tonight and it brought out memories of the time we lost you, my love. The pain is as fresh as it was 5 years ago. Your Papa and I shed helpless tears as we were transported back to the painful moments. Reading love notes from your cousins and Tita Belle, and most especially, the love letter your Papa wrote for you. It was all too much for us not to cry.

Every year, I write you a love note, aside from the nightly conversations I have with you. And every year, I try to make it a point that the letter I write you show that your Papa and I are getting better… each year. And I am happy to report that we are holding up well, my love. Thanks to the strong support we have from our family. And thanks to the wonderful one year we spent in Paris, your Papa and I have found our true passion. This keeps us happily busy. And everything that we have accomplished and continue to accomplish is because you are our inspiration, our muse.


Papa and I had a conversation just a few days ago. I asked him that if ever we are not blessed with another child, will he be okay with it? Your Papa - the ever gentle-hearted and understanding person that he is - said that it will be okay with him of course, but he also said that we should still give it a try. Whatever God wills, we will accept. 

I have to admit, my love, that after browsing through your blog tonight, I am again hopeful that, maybe, we will be blessed with another baby. You have given us so much love and so much joy that I want to experience that again. The fear has gone away. 

So on your birthday, my dear angel Marcus, you have blessed me again with hope and courage. Your light continues to shine on us… thank you, my baby Marcus. Thank you for always watching over Mama and Papa and the rest of our family.

I love you very much, my dear baby!!!


I am sure you enjoyed the birthday celebration your Titas, Titos, Lola and Lolo, and sweetie Carine have done for you today. I am sure you loved the Happy Birthday song that Carine sang for you. They love you very much and I am sure you are always watching over them.

My Baby Boy's 5th Birthday

On Marcus' 5th birthday we remember the Happiness we all have as we celebrate his short but very meaningful life. Yet, the day after we are gripped by the same sadness on the day of his passing. That's because we miss him dearly and that will never change.

We have moved on but we will never forget the day he arrived and the day he had to leave. Our tears bear both grief but mostly Joy, because we feel extremely blessed to have Marcus in our hearts. Jet and I are forever grateful to our family and friends who continue to remember the day our precious angel came to us.

Thank you baby Marcus for always reminding us the gift of love. Happy Birthday! We Love you always!

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

On Marcus' 4th Birthday

I slept early last night excited in anticipation to celebrate your 4th birthday as your Mama, Lola, and I have the day all planned out for your special day.

Your Grandma Zenny, Tita Regina, Tito Suki, and your cousin baby Carine started off celebrations by buying you a chocolate cake and released balloons all for you. Later today in the U.S., Tita Sherry and Ate Lexi will be doing the same.

We feel the love of everyone as they remember you, our son.

Yet, I ache because we would’ve loved to see you blow your birthday candle and see you growing up. I imagine you my baby and at times seeing you as a toddler at this age. I could hear you speak, see you growing up handsomely looking like Mama, and most especially a well behaved baby that you are.

I feel so blessed, because I see you everyday. I see you in your Mama, sometimes I stare at her telling myself how much I love her and at the same how you look exactly like her. As much I debate with your Mama, there’s no denying that you are junior Mama. This makes me very happy. I get to look at your Mama and see you at the same time everyday.

I can’t help the tears from falling. We miss you always, and as we celebrate this day every year, I remember it so vividly as it were yesterday. Your mama and I are the proudest parents and the day you came to us is and still the happiest day of our lives.

I wish most of the time that I could hold and play with you just for a moment, even in my dreams. One day I know we will all be together for eternity. For the time being we will live our lives to the fullest always keeping you our hearts and minds. The gift that is you and how you changed our lives… forever.

You Would've Been 4 Years Old Today

Hello my love,

Happy Birthday!

I fell asleep last night thinking and praying for you, eagerly anticipating your special day. You would've been 4 years old now. I am missing you painfully that I could only think of one special post on Instagram to announce your birthday...

Nothing is more befitting (for me) of how I am feeling today. To hug and kiss you just one more time...

Your Papa and I are playing special songs dedicated for you today. I made you a special "happy" playlist and the music harps our apartment today.

We lit candles with your Prayer Card displayed in our living room. And today, I will miss my cours pratique because we will celebrate your special birthday. I cannot go to class on your birthday. Not today. 

We will go to church and hear mass for you, light candles, and pray The Divine Mercy. Then we will buy you a beautiful and yummy Opera cake from the patisserie that invented it! And of course, your flowers. I'm excited to see what I will find at the flower shop for you today :)


We are so blessed to wake up this morning and receive the sweetest gift - for you! Your Grandma Zenny, Tita Regina, Tito Suki, and Carine baby celebrated your birthday with you :) :)

Needless to say, your Papa and I were in tears. It's so special, right?! Thank you so much for all the love!

Baby Carine blew the birthday candle for you, and they released balloons to keep with our yearly tradition "to reach you" in heaven.


We are off in a while to celebrate your birthday in Paris - a first :) Papa looks so handsome and wore a polo with your baby blue color. He dressed up to the nines for you, honey :)

I will post photos of our day, I promise. I know you are with us today, my angel, and are celebrating with us. (How do I hold back tears when I am missing you so much?!)

Je t'aime, my baby Marcus (love, love, love)

Here's the photo update of your birthday celebration in Paris, my love...

This is the pamphlet we kept as a souvenir from the church in rue de Vaugirard where we prayed the Chaplet of the Divine Mercy for you.
Papa Jhon so excited and happy to catch Dalloyau still open for us to buy your birthday cake. It was a very cold and windy afternoon, yet we braved the long walk because it is your birthday :)
After having dinner at a Korean restaurant, we were very lucky to catch a flower shop still open after 9 p.m. to buy your very special white roses. The owner was an old man who was very sweet and very accommodating to us.
Together with your birthday cake, we also bought some macarons to try out for "research" :)
Your birthday cake :) We chose the Opera because Dalloyau is the pastry shop that created this very popular French cake. Only the best for our baby boy. It was very good!
When we got home, I arranged your roses in a vase, lit a candle, and placed your prayer card together with your birthday gifts. Lola Talula knew that it was your birthday too!
Look how beautiful your roses are blooming the next day! This year I chose this gorgeous color together with your white ones. Paris has the best and freshest roses we've seen! Every time I see a rose, I always remember you, my love...

Friday, February 22, 2013

Happy 3rd Birthday, My Marcus

My Dear Baby Marcus,

I do not want February to pass without posting in your blog. It has become a tradition that every year, on your birthday, I write you a love note. Another year have passed again, my love, and there we were, your Papa and I, remembering your very special day. You would've been 3 years old now, my love. To celebrate your birthday, we heard Mass at the chapel and had you blessed by Fr. Carlo which is the most important thing. With your birthday falling on a Tuesday, we decided not to hold a gathering for everyone was busy and your cousins had school. It was simple yet always a very memorable day for me and your Papa. After dinner, we passed by the flower shop to buy you your very special roses. I chose the combination of white and pink this time - I'm sure you loved it, right my baby? Aren't they beautiful?

And I know you are extra happy this year because God has given us another blessing! It was meant to be, my love, just a few days before your birthday we found out that we were pregnant. A miracle happened again, my baby! Thank you for always amazing Mama and Papa and always watching over us. We are so blessed to have a very special little angel up in heaven.

I still think about you everyday, my Marcus. Every happy moment I experience I attribute to you. And when I am sad, I just think of you, then I am okay. Mama will never forget you, my baby, and you will forever be in my heart. My little angel.

I love you forever,