"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Sunday, March 07, 2010

2 Loves, 2 Losses

30 days ago we lost our son, baby Marcus. 4 years ago we lost our father, Papa Jaime. Yesterday, March 6, the family gathered at Heritage Park to remember the greatness that was Papa Jaime.

The loss of our Papa is still very much felt within. Going on his 4th year, it was just starting to become easier getting by without him. But now I grieve for the loss of 2 loves.

When I lost Papa, I thought that was the hardest and most painful experience I ever had to go through in life. I thought wrong. Losing our darling Marcus is more heartbreaking than ever.

"When a parent dies we lose a piece of our past but when a child dies we lose a piece of our future." - Fathers Feel Too by Andrew Don

Fr. Santos, the priest at Marcus's memorial service was specially requested by our Mama to celebrate Holy Mass for Papa. We feel a certain connection with Fr. Santos. He was the one who anointed baby Marcus and the one who baptized him that fateful night. With him having witnessed our plight, we feel that he relates directly to how we feel and what we are going through.

He asked immediately after seeing us, "How are you?"

The last time we saw him was during Marcus' memorial service. There was comfort in seeing him again. We have been wanting to seek spiritual advice and guidance from him.

I told him that he might have mistaken us for another couple when Jhon called him for an invitation a few days ago.

"No, of course not, I always remember you. I can't forget the two of you," he assured. "I have been waiting for your call actually. I forgot to get your contact nos. before. I wanted to check up on how you two are doing. But I prayed for you everyday."

I mentioned how difficult it is for me to realize that I am now grieving the loss of 2 people I love dearly. He was out of words. All he can say was to always pray and remember the good times we shared with Papa, and that our baby Marcus is now our angel in heaven.

We plan to visit Fr. Santos soon and sit down with him. It would be refreshing to hear advice from the perspective of an apostle of God. He is a missionary priest who left his home, India, to serve the Filipinos, 15 years and running. For Jhon and I, he is untarnished. His spiritual wisdom will truly help ease our hearts from desolation.

We do our best to cope each day. One of the things that help us get by is the confidence that our little one, Marcus, is now resting in peace in heaven - and that Papa is there with him.

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