On Your 5th Birthday, My Love

My dear Baby Marcus,

Happy, Happy Birthday my Love! You would’ve been 5 years old now. How time flies. Your Papa and I were counting today, “Has it really been 5 years?” I can only imagine how big and handsome you would be by now. But as God wanted it, you will be our forever baby, our angel baby in Heaven. 

Today, your Papa and I, together with Lola Talula of course, and Tita Belle, Ate Mica, and Kuya Miguel, heard Holy Mass for you. We had the priest bless you and he asked how old you would have been today. Then he asked if your Papa and I are planning to have another baby. I just told him, “Someday, maybe, soon.”

How are you, my love? Your Papa and I miss you terribly - most especially today. You know, we try to live our lives “normally” each day but today, we could not help but cry and mourn your loss once again. I looked through your blog tonight and it brought out memories of the time we lost you, my love. The pain is as fresh as it was 5 years ago. Your Papa and I shed helpless tears as we were transported back to the painful moments. Reading love notes from your cousins and Tita Belle, and most especially, the love letter your Papa wrote for you. It was all too much for us not to cry.

Every year, I write you a love note, aside from the nightly conversations I have with you. And every year, I try to make it a point that the letter I write you show that your Papa and I are getting better… each year. And I am happy to report that we are holding up well, my love. Thanks to the strong support we have from our family. And thanks to the wonderful one year we spent in Paris, your Papa and I have found our true passion. This keeps us happily busy. And everything that we have accomplished and continue to accomplish is because you are our inspiration, our muse.

---

Papa and I had a conversation just a few days ago. I asked him that if ever we are not blessed with another child, will he be okay with it? Your Papa - the ever gentle-hearted and understanding person that he is - said that it will be okay with him of course, but he also said that we should still give it a try. Whatever God wills, we will accept. 

I have to admit, my love, that after browsing through your blog tonight, I am again hopeful that, maybe, we will be blessed with another baby. You have given us so much love and so much joy that I want to experience that again. The fear has gone away. 

So on your birthday, my dear angel Marcus, you have blessed me again with hope and courage. Your light continues to shine on us… thank you, my baby Marcus. Thank you for always watching over Mama and Papa and the rest of our family.

I love you very much, my dear baby!!!

Always,

P.S.

I am sure you enjoyed the birthday celebration your Titas, Titos, Lola and Lolo, and sweetie Carine have done for you today. I am sure you loved the Happy Birthday song that Carine sang for you. They love you very much and I am sure you are always watching over them.

My Baby Boy's 5th Birthday

On Marcus' 5th birthday we remember the Happiness we all have as we celebrate his short but very meaningful life. Yet, the day after we are gripped by the same sadness on the day of his passing. That's because we miss him dearly and that will never change.

We have moved on but we will never forget the day he arrived and the day he had to leave. Our tears bear both grief but mostly Joy, because we feel extremely blessed to have Marcus in our hearts. Jet and I are forever grateful to our family and friends who continue to remember the day our precious angel came to us.

Thank you baby Marcus for always reminding us the gift of love. Happy Birthday! We Love you always!

On Marcus' 4th Birthday

I slept early last night excited in anticipation to celebrate your 4^th birthday as your Mama, Lola, and I have the day all planned out for your special day.

Your Grandma Zenny, Tita Regina, Tito Suki, and your cousin baby Carine started off celebrations by buying you a chocolate cake and released balloons all for you. Later today in the U.S., Tita Sherry and Ate Lexi will be doing the same.

We feel the love of everyone as they remember you, our son.

Yet, I ache because we would’ve loved to see you blow your birthday candle and see you growing up. I imagine you my baby and at times seeing you as a toddler at this age. I could hear you speak, see you growing up handsomely looking like Mama, and most especially a well behaved baby that you are.

I feel so blessed, because I see you everyday. I see you in your Mama, sometimes I stare at her telling myself how much I love her and at the same how you look exactly like her. As much I debate with your Mama, there’s no denying that you are junior Mama. This makes me very happy. I get to look at your Mama and see you at the same time everyday.

I can’t help the tears from falling. We miss you always, and as we celebrate this day every year, I remember it so vividly as it were yesterday. Your mama and I are the proudest parents and the day you came to us is and still the happiest day of our lives.

I wish most of the time that I could hold and play with you just for a moment, even in my dreams. One day I know we will all be together for eternity. For the time being we will live our lives to the fullest always keeping you our hearts and minds. The gift that is you and how you changed our lives… forever.

Happy 3rd Birthday, My Marcus

My Dear Baby Marcus,

I do not want February to pass without posting in your blog. It has become a tradition that every year, on your birthday, I write you a love note. Another year have passed again, my love, and there we were, your Papa and I, remembering your very special day. You would've been 3 years old now, my love. To celebrate your birthday, we heard Mass at the chapel and had you blessed by Fr. Carlo which is the most important thing. With your birthday falling on a Tuesday, we decided not to hold a gathering for everyone was busy and your cousins had school. It was simple yet always a very memorable day for me and your Papa. After dinner, we passed by the flower shop to buy you your very special roses. I chose the combination of white and pink this time - I'm sure you loved it, right my baby? Aren't they beautiful?

And I know you are extra happy this year because God has given us another blessing! It was meant to be, my love, just a few days before your birthday we found out that we were pregnant. A miracle happened again, my baby! Thank you for always amazing Mama and Papa and always watching over us. We are so blessed to have a very special little angel up in heaven.

I still think about you everyday, my Marcus. Every happy moment I experience I attribute to you. And when I am sad, I just think of you, then I am okay. Mama will never forget you, my baby, and you will forever be in my heart. My little angel.

I love you forever,

Marcus' Remembrance Day 2012

At 5:30 in the afternoon, to start our little angel's commemoration day, a Holy Mass was celebrated by Fr. Maxwell. I wish I got the chance to record his homily, it was beautiful. He said that we remember and celebrate Marcus' birthday not to pray for him in hopes of him getting to heaven, but we pray for him to pray for us who are still here on earth. It is already a given that he is with God in paradise, and we pray for him - as our intercessor - up in heaven. We need him to pray for us and whisper to God for us.

Beautiful isn't it?

When the Mass ended, we prayed our special Prayer for Marcus. I printed a copy for everybody so each one of us can pray intently for our baby.

Then after the prayer, we released his signature baby blue and white balloons. These balloons included prayers of love - a quiet prayer in each of our hearts expressing our love for our baby Marcus.

30 baby blue and white balloons were released for our little angel

An intimate dinner with close family and close friends followed. Marcus' cousins (Ate Mica, Ate Elisse, Ate Bea, Ate Cielo, Kuya Miguel, Ate Daniela, Kuya Maxi, Baby Magnus) were all there to celebrate.

Side note, a beautiful story:

Before dinner started, my 10 year-old niece, Cielo, went up to me and said, "Tita Jet, I have a gift for Marcus." 

I responded with, "What is it? Is it a love note or a card?" (She loves making handmade cards and love notes) 

She said, "No... me! I'm the gift. Because I am here for his birthday!"

How sweet is that?! A heartfelt and pure sentiment from a sweet little girl. Where did her innocent thoughts come from? Did our baby boy whisper to Cielo to say those words to me? Angels were present on that day.

And what a beautiful sunset. The day was bright without a single raindrop (despite the gloomy weather forecast). From the afternoon till night time it was cool and breezy. The night was clear and bright. A beautiful Sunday.

The food: catered by The Red Chef (very patient and accommodating despite the windy night)

Dinner with my siblings - Ate Mache, Ate Belle, and Chebs who brought their family (my in-laws Lizza, David and nieces & nephews).

From left to right: Fr. Maxwell, Ate Mache, David, Ate Belle, Atty. Agnes, Atty. Blanca

Pretty nieces, the Ates - Mica, Bea, Elisse

Uncle Bonx (Chebs) with Mica

With close friends: (from left to right) Papa Jhon, Christian, Patricia, Anastacia, Mike

Same friends with Mama Jet this time

The group under the beautiful night's sky

Ferdi followed not so late that evening, as well as my bestie, Mela (who came from the airport straight from Singapore). OJ and Charlene went too. And my dear cousin Ate Dot came with her friend Chris. Grandma Myrna also sent us (via driver) her gift and a love note - she apologized that she couldn't join us.

Overall it was a gorgeous night. Jhon and I were happy that our family and friends were there for our baby Marcus.

It is a tricky (yearly) event, our baby boy's birthday. Do you celebrate a birthday? It is quite tricky asking people to celebrate with us. Here it is -- simply put, it is a remembrance. We remember the short but meaningful life of our little angel. We remember that we was here and we remember our love for him. We remember that he matters. We remember him.

Happy birthday my baby Marcus! You are very much loved :)

Happy Birthday My Love

It's your birthday my baby boy. Two years ago, you were born at exactly 8:57 a.m. at The Medical City. That was the most glorious moment of my life.

You would've been two years old now - walking, talking... and very much handsome. I see you as a very happy little boy, very well-mannered, smart, and of course, sweet as can be.

Today, Mama and Papa planned an intimate celebration with close family and close friends to remember your very special day. Mama has been planning this for a week and a half - everything is set.

At 5:00 p.m., your very special guests will arrive. At exactly 5:30 p.m. Fr. Maxwell will celebrate Holy Mass especially for you. He was the same priest who celebrated for you last year.

It's a very beautiful day today, my love. It's bright and sunny! There is a fiesta going on across the street (the feast of the Baby Jesus - how timely!), and I see it as these people celebrating your special day as well. I was very worried that it might rain today based from the weather forecast - but guess what, it's the sunniest day! I know it's all because of you, my honey, you are tight with God and I'm sure you whispered to his ear to make this day a gorgeous day. Thank you my Marcus!

I will post pictures of the event this time around. I will make sure that today will be documented.

By the way, I have a gift for you, baby. Mama is finally designing your photobook. I am hoping to finish it soon and have it printed right away. It will be very beautiful... a beautiful memory of a very beautiful angel.

So Happy Happy Birthday my Baby Marcus!

Thank you for making Mama's life complete.

Mama loves you very much! Forever and ever.

Thank You My Baby Boy

My Dear Baby Marcus,

As your birthday nears, my love, I couldn't help but to check your blog once again. I know haven't done that for a while but coping with the bustle of daily life takes much of my time.

With this entry though, as your birthday nears, I would like to thank you, my love, for the gifts you gave Mama. During special occasions you never fail to "say hello" and greet Mama through your very special ways.

Now that I made time to post it, I would like to brag about your sweet gifts to me, my baby.

The dragonfly has always been very special to me. They say a dragonfly is a symbolism of a child that passed. Since then I've always had some kind of fondness to it. 

And as sweet as you are, you knew what gift to send for me to especially realize that it came from you my baby.

Last September, as I celebrated my birthday in a beautiful resort in Boracay with Papa, you sent me your birthday gift. How can we miss it, the dragonfly was inside our bedroom! How special! Thank you, my love, for the birthday gift.

Last December close to Christmas, as Mama finished her hectic schedule for the season and the last day of work ended, you gave me again a beautiful Christmas gift.

While Mama was lazily sitting out in the balcony, physically tired and exhausted, a dragonfly flew in front of me and rested on the bamboo plant. Imagine the condo tower, 18 floors high, in the middle of the city - and out of nowhere an innocent dragonfly found itself at our balcony. I knew for sure this gift was from you. Thank you, my love, for the Christmas gift.

What else can a mother ask for? I have a beautiful angel in heaven who watches over me all the time, prays to Jesus Christ for me, whispering good words to God for me. And in special occasions, brings me gifts - saying "I love you, Mama, I am just here, I am always with you."

Thank you my baby Marcus <3

And as your birthday nears once again, I am doing my best to make it extra special. Your birthday comes but once a year, and during this day I make sure that your family (your Titos & Titas, your cousins) and close friends of Mama & Papa celebrate, remember, and pray for you as well.

I love you very much, my baby Marcus. Advance Happy Birthday, my Honey.

Always,
Mama

P.S.
I hope the red velvet cake cheesecake I am working hard to bake becomes successful. That will be your very special cake.

Circa 2010 (October 3): Our One-Month Retreat Vacation

From Mama Jet's private blog. An entry.


---------------------------

DAY 14: MY SECOND CHANCE ON LIFE

My second life.

I am overwhelmed!

Life is flowing through me now and I am glowing from deep within.

God just blessed me with true enlightenment.

I never expected this blessing to come in such an unexpected way. I was just about to feed our puppy girl her late lunch when God showered me with His true and favorable love!

What I am experiencing now is more emotional and spiritual rather than logical. The reason why I do not dare force it into words. I am letting my emotions flow. I am feeling every bit of His love and blessings that it overcomes my whole being.

Thank you my God! You are an immeasurable God and Your love and favor overflows! I am overwhelmed! Your love overflows!

I can’t stop closing my eyes and just feel and breathe in this most amazing feeling God can ever bless any of His children with. Thank you God!

You have blessed me with this wonderful and privileged vacation retreat to heal my heart and my soul. This beautiful place that we stay in to make each day of our retreat as comfortable as possible, more than anyone could ask for. With attentive and caring staff at our beck and call. A retreat place located in this quiet and secluded area of the island… on top of a beautiful mountain. Peaceful rain and its gentle, cool breeze. Thank you God. Thank you for Your immeasurable love and favor!

This has been my hope to accomplish on this personal retreat of ours. God granted me with His immeasurable favor… two weeks into our vacation. What an amazing feat!

Peace of mind. Deep peace within in my heart, my soul, my spirit, my God. Thank you God. I have found what I have been praying for. I am so privileged. I live a very blessed life. I feel so special. My God is my fortress.

This is a beautiful life.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I am thirsty for more love and favor from God.

One of the greatest gifts God can bless one with… peace. I am at peace.

Thank you.

The song Unwritten was playing while God shined his enlightenment on me.

“Today is where your book begins… the rest is still unwritten.

I break tradition, sometimes my tries are outside the lines. 

We’ve been conditioned to not mistakes, but I can’t live that way.

Staring at a blank page before you…

Reaching, for something in the distance, so close you can almost taste it. 

Release your inhibitions.”

Circa 2010 (October 19)

This blog entry I wrote roughly a year ago when Papa Jhon and I went on a one-month vacation retreat to aid our healing. I posted this in my private blog were no other eyes are allowed expect me and myself. I though I would share this - for next week, we will be going back to this island paradise... for my birthday.

Needless to say, a lot has happened in one year, and I cannot complain. The only thing that will never change is my missing my Marcus every single day.

Please read on...

--------------------

DAY 19: MY VIEW AT OUR LITTLE ISLAND PARADISE

To aid us with our search for enlightenment and peace, God had blessed us with a glorious view for the duration of our vacation in this island paradise. I cannot deny being thankful for each blessed day of my life waking up to this magnificent sight. I feel so close to God - and my baby boy - being so near the skies way up on this mountain. It is quite impossible to ignore this extraordinary sight.

The photos do not do justice to the actual view of this place. We are indeed blessed.


---------------

I was flooded with great realizations a couple of days ago. Living in this picturesque place each day makes any person feel so elated that one cannot help but dream - and live the fantasy of an the island life. And why not, right?

Two years ago, the love of my life and I literally planned on living it out here. Everything was set and we were about to embark on a life in a tiny island. But looking back at that time today, God did not mean for us to experience that. It was not in God's plan, and we see it so clearly now.

A few weeks ago, as we planned our vacation retreat everything seemed easier, lighter. All the pieces just came together like it was fate. We knew right away that God intended for us to experience this retreat. This time around He knew that we totally needed this for our recovery. It was not for selfish reasons and worldly intentions, but for pure reflection and the true search for inner peace.

Everything happened so smoothly for us that we were led to believe we were meant to finally live the island life. It seemed like we can have it going here. Opportunities were laid out for us... it seemed. We have God's favor. Together with our enlightenment, it seemed that God wanted us to have our "new beginning" living in a tiny island.

What do we have going for us in the city? What were we about to leave there if we decided to truck it out here? It seemed that there was none. The options seemed brighter here... more inspiring, more promising, more peaceful. Probably the peace that we cannot seem to find in the city.

Were we blinded by the bright lights of "living a vacation life?" Will it all appear as bright and cheery when we did decide to live here? How will our everyday life be? Will we still see it as a land of milk and honey? Will the view still look as amazing as how we see it now?

It was too good, that we hoped it would be true.

What about our projects in the city? Our plans of helping others, our advocacy to honor our baby M. It could not be done here.

Maybe we are indeed destined to live here - but not just yet.

We have unfinished, more like un-started, business in the city. There are people - children - waiting to be offered a helping hand. How could we abandon them? How could we abandon the cause we are so eager to start for our son?

Are we about to abandon everything that we hoped to accomplish for a life of ease and laid-back existence? The island life?

I believe that while the book I am reading, Your Best Life Now, proclaims a life of extraordinary favor from God, it too says that in order to achieve God's supernatural favor, we have to do our part and work for it.

I believe that God has done, and is still blessing us with, His extraordinary favor with each beautiful day that we spend here on the island. I felt His immeasurable love and favor a few days ago when He granted me with the PEACE that I have been hoping and praying for. I have accomplished what I came here to do and I now spend each day keeping my heart and soul open for His next plan for me.

What does He want for me now? I am certain I live my life working to achieve amazing things, because that is how God intends my life to be - exceptional. He did not intend for me, or any of His children, to live a mediocre life. He is a giving God. Our Father only intends the best for His children.

The favor that He has granted me in this retreat is the release of all my past hurts and repressions. He has blessed me with the privilege to let go. He has released me from the crippling memories that have been pulling me down for years. The emotional baggage that I have been carrying around for years and years. I am now free. I am now at peace.

I await for His next plan for me. For now, I spend each day just soaking up the beauty that He has created.

We have 11 days left... and I can't wait to discover what He has in store for me with the days to come.

I am Marcus' Papa

Several days before Father's day, I was at the mall running an errand when I came across a father and son sitting quietly at the cafe. As I made my way pass them I noticed the son was sleeping securely on his father's arms and shoulder. His father holding him with the utmost care one can give his child. He too catches a few winks as they wait for mommy to come back.

I tell myself with a smile and some amount of grief, "that could've been Marcus and I." I carry on about my errand facing another day without my boy.

I smile because I had thoughts that it was Marcus and I sitting on that couch waiting for Mama Jet. Crazy as it sounds, but I do daydream often about Marcus. I always want to remember my son as he were alive. I know in my heart and mind that he is very much alive in heaven waiting patiently for his family.

June 20, 2010, Father's Day. I didn't feel much sadness during this day. Jet greeted me, my family greeted me, I know my son was with me. I couldn't help but feel proud to be a father. I am especially proud because God gave us such a handsome and wonderful little boy. He gave us more than anybody could with his short time here on earth. For that, I am even more proud to be his father.

As the day progressed into the night, I was given the most wonderful gift a father could receive from his angel son. Mama Jet, worked all day and dug deep to connect with our Marcus as they collaborated to create the most beautiful message a son would give his father.

Both joy and sadness filled my heart, the tears fell as I read my "Electronic Journal." It brought back so many wonderful memories and feelings we experienced together as a family, yet it's just Mama Jet, Lola, and I that remain here today... We will always have our moments in which we feel bereaved, that will never go away but we have equipped ourselves with the tools that bring faith to our little family.

The scene I witnessed at the mall meant more to me than just another father and child. It gave me a short glimpse as to what I could expect in the future. It gives me hope that one day I too will be given a yet another chance to be the father I want to be.

When that day comes I'll be ready as I ever will be. And most importantly to always keep and hold his memory safe for the rest of my life, because I am Marcus' Papa...

P.S.

To my Marcus, Jet and Lola. I love you all!

Papa is always here for you!

We Remain Grateful... Thank You Dear Friends

Roughly 4 months ago, Jhon and I received some very touching messages. Without consciously knowing that we needed it, we felt truly overwhelmed with the outpour of love and sympathy we got not only from family and close friends but from unexpected friends and acquaintances.

Mostly throughout the span of our pregnancy, we chose our miracle to generally be a 'need-to-know' basis. Though we were not hiding our blessing, we considered it as privileged information. It was our intent to keep the whole experience of our son, our tremendous joy -- pure and untarnished. We did not want any negative energy hovering around us during the whole course. We wanted only happiness and positivity surrounding our Marcus.

When the quiet news went around that we have lost our son, Jhon and I were flooded with thoughts of sympathy and prayers. Some even considerately mentioned that they had no idea we were expecting and were truly devastated for us. It was all unexpected.

Outright we want to acknowledge the love and support of our closest friends who came to Marcus' service. With only a moment's notice (1 day) through text message, they went out of their way to be there for us, took time off their busy workday schedule to pray with us and offer support as we laid our beautiful son to rest.

Jinno Rufino, Mike Thio, Anna Puey, Hubert Tan, Leo Capinpin, Mark Chua, Celine Robinson, Ghengis Enrique, Angela Valenton, Nic, Greg Anonas, Trixie Reyes, Patricia Malay, Mela Vicente, OJ Maliuanag

One of my best friends, Trixie, flew straight from CDO to witness the beauty of our Marcus and was at our side while we cried tears for him.

Jinno's message of support was touching. “Jhon, you know I’m always here for you. I have been before and will continue to do so for you both. I’m just a call or text away. I know you will continue to be strong and one day raise beautiful children. God bless you both.”

Mike's sympathy was moving. “Jhon my heart pours out for you and Jet. I am so sorry you had to go through this and it makes me sad knowing that such great people have to go through so much undeserving pain. I am always here for you whenever you need me. Please call me anytime. You are always in my prayers.”

Friends of family who we did not expect to come but did through the kindness of their hearts.

Aisha Jaafar, Saladin Jaafar, Faricia Jaafar, Frances Deocadiz, Carol Hoese, Alex Campbell, Suzette Ledesma

Others extended their sympathy through text messages and Facebook.

Billie Roche, Norman Velasco, Rico Robles, Fatima Angela, Apple Arboleda Delfin, George Olarte, Geoff Chen, Rudolph Ganzon, Mike Sy, Angela Garcia, Hansen Nichols, Dru Baltazar, Paul Limjoco, Miguel Blardony, Abby Sunglao, Adora Cantillon, Erica Ilacad, Diana Fonseca, Katrina Primavera, Tollo Bote, Sharmaine Cantillon, Mary Ann Nicolas, Marge Enrique, Fayinna Zaragoza, Korina Nevada, Trina Salavante, Paul Genato, Jona Bagadion, Rhea Lin, Sarah Meier-Albano, Aina Sun, Ate Aida Sunglao-Canlas, Mayi Teodoro, Trina Mears, Greg Chua, Ate Gaylie, Fatima Jaafar, Abbie Manlapaz, Mila Salazar-Bruan, Mitch Ramirez, Jerome Tan, Gerald Ganzon, Bong de Ocampo, Paul Olarte, Paulie Yllana, Kathrina Cantillon, Camille Santiago, Gimo Asuncion, Kristine Tan Liao-Williams, Justine Perrine, Dra. Lyra Clemente-Chua

Our friend Billie, weeks before we lost Marcus, bought booties for him - all the way from Houston - as a welcome present.

Grace Carlos, who I will forever thank for reaching out during our lowest moments and offering words of love and prayers. I will always feel a special connection with her. “I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I was so touched with the blog you created for him… ... ...I can just imagine what you are going through… God will pull us through.”

Jhon's family friends from Jersey, Kuya Romer and Ate Christine, sent a sympathy card through mail. The personal touch of receiving an actual card through traditional mail is sincerely heartwarming.

My high school classmates:

Trisha Martinez-Reyes, Jenny Vergara-Selga, Olga Cinco, Maureen Ava dela Cruz, Ade de las Alas, Andree Lou Kintanar, Rachelle Ruan, Melody Cortez-Rayala

One of my oldest friends Trisha, sent her love from New York, "Hi Jet, Just found out what happened to Marcus. Omigosh I feel so sad right now. Hope I was there to console you. I wish I was there talaga. Be strong ok. Kaya mo yan. We will be praying for Marcus. Just remember that everything happens for a reason. Pareho pa sila ng name ng inanaak mo his real name is Ralph Marcus. ... ... ... Believe me I know how you feel. Basta be strong ha and just keep on praying no matter what. I know sometimes sobrang malulungkot ka pero you have to fight it. Be positive always. Believe me things will be brighter again.....it will come just be patient. I maybe thousand of miles away but I'm here for you. Anytime you need to talk to me just email me and I'll call you. Take care my friend."

Ana Interino-Cezar, another good friend from high school, "My deepest condolences to you Jet and to your family. This blog brought tears to my eyes. My prayers are with you. Be strong, my friend."

Claire Mercado-Obias, a high school classmate, who although we never got close, sent a genuinely sentimental message that I treasure. "My Dearest Jet, I'm sending you a big hug today. I know it's not much but I want you to know that you are in my thoughts in this challenging time in your life. The slide show and blog that you started for Little Marcus has touched me (and I'm sure has touched a lot of people, too) and I want to say thank you for sharing your feelings. I know that writing down your thoughts, and most especially being appreciative of all your blessings, will help you & Jhon become stronger. There's this saying that goes, "Count your blessings, name them one by one, and it will surprise you what the Lord has done." We may not understand why God has taken away a very special blessing, but that doesn't mean He doesn't love you. Keep the faith and hold onto His hand. Little Marcus will be in my prayers. I promise. Take Care & God Be With You Always, CLAIRE."

Ricah Ramos-Maramba, another high school classmate who I never thought would extend her sincere support and prayers to us truly moved me. "Hi Jet. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your husband that God may give you strength thru this challenging time in your lives. Always remember that you have a friend in me. Message me anytime if you need anything!!"

A few old friends from NHC:

Carla Zensen Erazo, Samantha Novales-Floro, Charlie Tsai, Vicente Pajaro

Joshe Romo Leroux, another NHC friend who I haven't seen and heard from for a long time was one of the first ones to message from thousands of miles away, "So sorry my friend.. God works in mysterious ways and it is not for us to judge his decisions. I will pray for you from the distance and be sure that this will pass. God has something bigger for you.... Love, Maria"

Our close family friend and spiritual advisor, Fr. Patrick Guru sent his personal message of love and sympathy from Indonesia. “Gud pm John and Jet. I have heard about The Little Angel Marcus from Mache. I was happy for both of you that Jet could deliver a baby Marcus. We do know the plan of God for us and for him. He is now with God and becomes your guardian angel. I feel sorry to hear that he has gone. I do pray for him and for both of you. Condolence. God bless you all. Fr. Patrick Guru”

From Jhon's good friend Phil Lirag, “Jhon, I am SO sorry to hear the worst news a person can ever hear.... My condolences to you, Jett, and family. There are no words to say, nothing can be done to give you the satisfaction, but I do pray for Marcus, and hoping that time can heal your pain.... Again I’m so sorry to hear about your loss... God bless pare.”

Jo Tuazon-So, Jhon's friend whose sweet gesture donated to March of Dimes in the name of Marcus. “Read Regina's status. I didn't even know u guys were having a baby. I'm really really sorry, I can't imagine what ur going through. I'm preggers with a boy right now and we had a little scare that he was gonna come out at 26 weeks. Condolences Jhon. My prayers to u, ur little one, and the fam..”

Ana Miren Achaval, another good friend of Jhon who lives overseas messaged, "Jhon, I received a text early this morning here in LA about Marcus being in the NICU. I sincerely prayed for him. I'm sooooo sorry for your loss! My condolences and prayers to you and your family! I'm wishing you everything you need to get through this difficult time. With heartfelt condolences, Anami”

From Chris Gaisberger, "Jhon, I wish I had the words to take the pain away... But Life can be very unfair. You have a strong head on your shoulders and a good heart. Let this guide you to brighter days. I love you brotha!”

From Simon Corr, “Jhon, No mistaking this is going to be a really difficult time for you. Just to let you know my thoughts are with you... much love, Si”

From Michelle Tagle, "Your little one touched many hearts, mine included. Jhon you and your family are in our prayers, take care always.”

From Mj De Jesus Diaz, "Hope you're doing ok John... Be strong, God has His great plans for us, we may not see and understand them right away but trust in Him for He only has the best plans for each and everyone of us. God bless you and your family!!! Our condolences.”

Ate Belle's friend, Chiqui Soriano together with her family Eric and Mingy, extended their sympathy by sending mass cards.

Ate Mache's friends sent text messages of sympathy and prayers.

Walter Tolentino, DeeDee Deborah, Pac Quinsay, Raysh Reyes, Joyce Bangayan, Baby Tugbang, Rely Fajardo, Tita Marissa Serrano

Alain and Gina Duminy offered their precious time to help Ate Mache edit Marcus' pictures and create the slideshow for his service. They stayed up till after midnight and offered their labor of love for baby Marcus. Two weeks after his service, they gave us a small prayer book to aid us with our grieving.

Ate Remy Bantigue drove around till the wee hours of the morning looking for the perfect urn for baby Marcus. A special little urn for tiny babies.

Extended family members and loyal staff who stayed up almost the whole night to prepare for a flawless service for our baby boy.

Tita Lily Montealegre, Rhoda Maderazo, Gina Magluyan, Joey Torres, Alvin Torres, Tito Lando Montealegre, Inday Torres, Jimmy Bactol, Juret Torres

Hazel, Heritage Park's funeral director who extended her help to organize and lead Marcus' solemn memorial service.

Jhon ultimately obliged everybody with message of heartfelt thanks. While I still could not muster to communicate my thoughts and feelings to others, Jhon pulled through for us yet again.

Occasionally, we hear from friends to check up on how we are doing. We appreciate that they respect our privacy and space during these times while at the same time making sure we are holding up well.

Our dear friend Patricia Malay, who never gives up on us. “Jet, Jhon – was just praying and was moved to text you this: 1 Peter 4:12-13 says – dear friends, don’t be surprised at the painful trial u are suffering but rejoice that u participate in the sufferings of Christ U ARE BLESSED for the spirit of glory & of God rests on u. “I’d just like to comfort u both that although we will never know why God allows what he allows, He does use even heartbreak & painful loss to show u that He is there to bear ur pain with u. And He promises comfort & peace despite the sadness. We just have to hold on to Him. The Lord uses these situations to show us that if we submit even our pains to Him, He will take care of us. So through pain, just hold on. He is there. And how blessed u are that ur family & friends are too. I pray for u constantly and also for baby Marcus. I love u both.”

On Valentine's Day I received a cherished and loving message from Trixie, "Dearest Jet, Happy Hearts day! I know you would have wanted to spend it with your Little Marcus physically, but God has other plans.. . For now you will have to be strong for your little Angel, who is cheering you on as you struggle with the toughest time in your life. I know what you are feeling is incomparable but I feel like my heart's been squeezed so hard and tears just fall off my eyes when I think of what happened to you, Jhonny, and Marcus. I didn't want to bother you by entertaining me, after little Marcus' cremation because I knew you and Jhonny were tired and you needed your alone time... Take care of yourself Jet and Jhonny baby. I know this Valentines day is a special one still because you have Little Angel Marcus engraved in your hearts :-) love yah J."

Jenny, one of my high school best friends, never forgets to cheer us on. "Jet, I'm praying for you guys especially baby Marcus. Take care... God has special plans for you both. I'm just here anytime you need me. Love you Jet, God bless. Always be strong."

Mela Vicente, our friend who even though far away sees to it that we hear from her. "Hey sweetie! I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your blog. Thank you for your honesty. I wish I was there with you and Jhon. Write to me whenever you want even if you just need someone to listen. You're always in my prayers, Mela"

Now four months after the passing of our son, we remain grateful for all the love and support we received from everybody. Despite our reservations and maintaining a low profile during the course of our grief and loss of our precious Marcus, our considerate friends still made sure they offered some thoughtful words of sympathy.

We knew that in time we will find enough strength to thank everyone. We have not forgotten, we have not taken them for granted. Now we are ready, now is the time.

Though we know it is long overdue, we thank everyone. Thank you for showing you cared. No matter how awkward it was for you. Even though unsolicited, you went out of your way and conveyed support. We are very thankful. Our hearts overflow.

And our special thanks and gratitude to Fr. Santhosh who cancelled his various scheduled appointments to celebrate Holy Mass during our Marcus' service and on his 4oth day. He continues to pray for us and most especially for baby Marcus. Though he said his goodbye to us yesterday to go back to India, we will never forget him. We promise to stay in touch. We will talk to you soon Fr. Santhosh. We have so much to tell you.

In truth, we have more than a handful of friends who we, sadly, did not get to hear from. Friends who we expected to be the first ones in line to offer their sympathies. We are saddened by this turnout of events. Although it is their prerogative and we respect their distance. Death is an uncomfortable topic, more so if it's an infant who passed away. What more should we say? ...Though you won't hear us saying, "we understand."

But more importantly, thank you to you who were there, and to you who continue to be there for us. You are indeed invaluable instruments of our on-going healing and long road to acceptance.