My Baby Boy's 5th Birthday

On Marcus' 5th birthday we remember the Happiness we all have as we celebrate his short but very meaningful life. Yet, the day after we are gripped by the same sadness on the day of his passing. That's because we miss him dearly and that will never change.

We have moved on but we will never forget the day he arrived and the day he had to leave. Our tears bear both grief but mostly Joy, because we feel extremely blessed to have Marcus in our hearts. Jet and I are forever grateful to our family and friends who continue to remember the day our precious angel came to us.

Thank you baby Marcus for always reminding us the gift of love. Happy Birthday! We Love you always!

On Marcus' 4th Birthday

I slept early last night excited in anticipation to celebrate your 4^th birthday as your Mama, Lola, and I have the day all planned out for your special day.

Your Grandma Zenny, Tita Regina, Tito Suki, and your cousin baby Carine started off celebrations by buying you a chocolate cake and released balloons all for you. Later today in the U.S., Tita Sherry and Ate Lexi will be doing the same.

We feel the love of everyone as they remember you, our son.

Yet, I ache because we would’ve loved to see you blow your birthday candle and see you growing up. I imagine you my baby and at times seeing you as a toddler at this age. I could hear you speak, see you growing up handsomely looking like Mama, and most especially a well behaved baby that you are.

I feel so blessed, because I see you everyday. I see you in your Mama, sometimes I stare at her telling myself how much I love her and at the same how you look exactly like her. As much I debate with your Mama, there’s no denying that you are junior Mama. This makes me very happy. I get to look at your Mama and see you at the same time everyday.

I can’t help the tears from falling. We miss you always, and as we celebrate this day every year, I remember it so vividly as it were yesterday. Your mama and I are the proudest parents and the day you came to us is and still the happiest day of our lives.

I wish most of the time that I could hold and play with you just for a moment, even in my dreams. One day I know we will all be together for eternity. For the time being we will live our lives to the fullest always keeping you our hearts and minds. The gift that is you and how you changed our lives… forever.

A reminder

It's been months since I last put my thoughts and feelings into writing. Most especially when I miss Marcus.  To be honest, I miss it. Nowadays, I've been quite preoccupied putting together a new business venture brought about Marcus' Love. Truthfully, I enjoy every minute of what I am doing right now, thanks to my baby boy. I can feel success just over the horizon. A project with a purpose and meaning.

As I go about my day, preparing for another work week, I find myself in a quiet room. I sit in front of the altar where we place Marcus' picture and Urn with his ashes. Beside me is our lovely little puppy Lola. She has kept me company all day, right on the couch as we wait for her mama to return home. I picked up on a favorite book we used to read while going through the process, "Born to Fly."

As I read on, my eyes felt cloudy, chest becomes tight, tears fall, feels like yesterday. The only difference I guess is that I am not sad, I just miss him.  I like feeling this way once in while because I feel like I reconnect with my Marcus. I often pray and ask that he would visit me in my dreams. Just cannot get enough of his handsome face that I want to see him even in my sleep.

Not a day goes by that I do not think about my son, I believe that every an hour or so Marcus enters my heart and mind at least once. Lately, many challenges and trials have been put upon us. Yet, I do not despair for this too will pass. Why? Because I have faith and hope that everything will turn out right. My son ever being so close to God, reminds me every step of the way to be patient and focus. Instantly, I feel better.

I feel so fortunate to have my son watching us everyday. Though there will be more challenges and trials, I'm not afraid because I am surrounded by love. I am forever grateful, you inspire me everyday my son. Papa is a better person because of you. Thank you for always reminding Papa. I love you dearly my boy!

Today Marks Half a Year

Today marks Marcus' supposed sixth month birthday. Many, mostly family and friends, are probably wondering how Jhon and Jet are. 

Just last night, Marcus visited me again in my dream. I wasn't filled with sadness because my son and I had a short conversation which revealed the answer I have been praying for. How can I be sad with an answer from God delivered by my sweet angel baby boy. It's a secret that he and I have, and in time this secret will be revealed.

Yesterday, when Jet and I were talking about the day that will be Marcus' sixth month brought about a conversation about our baby in the future tense. We talked about how Marcus would have been chubby, starting to move about, or just simply alive and well. Are we crazy? Is it denial? I don't think so, I see it more as hope and anticipation that one day we will be reunited with our baby boy in heaven, never to part again. 

Occasionally, we'd experience many emotional moments. The difference from just a few months ago and now is that we both can take a deep breath and move on. It's not because we don't want to release our emotions, it's because we'd want to be able to continue working on the projects made possible by our son's love, and most importantly, a promise we made to our son that we would live our life to the fullest.

I often tell Jet that I like the person that I am now. I feel and believe I am a much better person all around. I have a much much better outlook in life, and the future. I try my best to be a better person to everyone around me. I feel that life is too short to worry about small issues or petty circumstances. There are many more important things that need attention. I am more positive and I have my son to thank for this new found outlook in our life.

So if you ask how Marcus' parents are today? The answer lies in all that we are setting out to do. In all of our projects, our relationship with each other, our family, and our friends. Though we are not completely healed, we are taking "baby steps" and moving towards a more positive tomorrow.

For now, on our son's sixth month birthday, I just want to give some time to remember my son, light him a candle and pray for his eternal peace. I still wish to cuddle him, hold his hand, and kiss his tiny lips even just for a moment. I know it's not possible but I will always and forever long for him, and till that day comes I will be grateful that God gave us our Marcus... 

Papa Loves you very much baby Marcus!!!

Mama's Love

Sunday was a very quiet time for Jet and I. We spent the day just lounging and enjoying each others company in the comfort of our home. We popped in a couple of movies which included "Hot Tub Time Machine" and "The Back-Up Plan."

We didn't expect much from "Hot Tub Time Machine," though we were pleasantly surprised. There were a few scenes that gave us a good workout, I was literally crying. I haven't laughed like that for quite sometime now. We moved on to the next movie, again not expecting much. We do this often now so as not to get disappointed with high expectations from previews and all. Neither of us had a clue as to what the plot of the movie was till we began watching it. From the get-go, we knew Jennifer Lopez wanted to be a mother.

Throughout the movie, no part truly touched me more than seeing Jennifer's character had an ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat of her twins. I could still hear my son's heartbeat fast and strong. Also, towards the end when her boyfriend was reading a book to the two infant girls -- it made Jet and I cry...

I know how much sadness fills my heart during moments like these, especially when I least expect it. I want so much to be a Papa to Marcus. But what makes my grief more intense than that of my own is when I see Mama Jet grieving our loss. Jet wants to be Mama so much, more than most people could ever know. I could never imagine how it truly feels to be Mama. I don't know how it feels to carry our son in her womb for 7 months, I don't know how it feels to experience "empty arms," and I don't know how it feels to have that special bond between mother and child. All I know is how much Jet wants to be Mama to Marcus.

I believe I can say nobody knows how great of a mama Jet is but me. One can feel how much Jet embraced being mama, if you witnessed it. Even before we lost Marcus, we would have countless conversations about our plans and her plans for our son. Everyday she woke up brought about joy that only parents would experience when expecting their first child. How she looked even more beautiful while carrying our son and how her love exuded in every possible way. Now, Mama Jet has a new reason for being. Soon others will see a glimpse of how great of a mama Jet is. Not for personal glory but for love, an advocacy driven by the love for our Marcus. I know she's the best Mama, and she still is and always will be. Go for it MAMA JET, we are here behind you all the way!!

I am Marcus' Papa

Several days before Father's day, I was at the mall running an errand when I came across a father and son sitting quietly at the cafe. As I made my way pass them I noticed the son was sleeping securely on his father's arms and shoulder. His father holding him with the utmost care one can give his child. He too catches a few winks as they wait for mommy to come back.

I tell myself with a smile and some amount of grief, "that could've been Marcus and I." I carry on about my errand facing another day without my boy.

I smile because I had thoughts that it was Marcus and I sitting on that couch waiting for Mama Jet. Crazy as it sounds, but I do daydream often about Marcus. I always want to remember my son as he were alive. I know in my heart and mind that he is very much alive in heaven waiting patiently for his family.

June 20, 2010, Father's Day. I didn't feel much sadness during this day. Jet greeted me, my family greeted me, I know my son was with me. I couldn't help but feel proud to be a father. I am especially proud because God gave us such a handsome and wonderful little boy. He gave us more than anybody could with his short time here on earth. For that, I am even more proud to be his father.

As the day progressed into the night, I was given the most wonderful gift a father could receive from his angel son. Mama Jet, worked all day and dug deep to connect with our Marcus as they collaborated to create the most beautiful message a son would give his father.

Both joy and sadness filled my heart, the tears fell as I read my "Electronic Journal." It brought back so many wonderful memories and feelings we experienced together as a family, yet it's just Mama Jet, Lola, and I that remain here today... We will always have our moments in which we feel bereaved, that will never go away but we have equipped ourselves with the tools that bring faith to our little family.

The scene I witnessed at the mall meant more to me than just another father and child. It gave me a short glimpse as to what I could expect in the future. It gives me hope that one day I too will be given a yet another chance to be the father I want to be.

When that day comes I'll be ready as I ever will be. And most importantly to always keep and hold his memory safe for the rest of my life, because I am Marcus' Papa...

P.S.

To my Marcus, Jet and Lola. I love you all!

Papa is always here for you!

I miss you!

After somewhat of a productive week, I find myself sitting on the couch. Not really sure what am I'm supposed to do on this saturday afternoon. Sitting, with nothing but the sound of the air filter and subtle noises from the hallway.

As I try to organize my thoughts on what I can possibly do on a hot saturday afternoon. I came across the timer that Jet installed for Marcus. A little "ticker timer" showing the exact amount of time our baby isn't with us. I cry, I try not to. Yet as I jot down my feelings, my emotions get the better of me again. I MISS YOU TERRIBLY!!!

Oh how I wish I can hold you once more...

A Message for Mama

As I was writing an entry from the time I got up, I can't help but feel as if something were missing. I couldn't put my thoughts together, and I knew I wasn't writing from my heart. Then all of a sudden thoughts of a poem rushed through my head and my heart, as if Marcus was whispering to me. So I began writing a poem for Jet. Then it ended as fast as it came. A message for Mama on Mother's day:

My Mama

Gaze upon her eyes and you will see

What a wonderful Mama she would be

My Mama, I knew you would be

The best one, everyone would agree

Her love and touch so pure

For my aches and pains there is no other cure

For you Mama I feel so blessed

You stand among the best

I love you Mama! I'm just here looking out for you always! Happy Mother's Day!

- Marcus

The Silver Cord

As I near the end of my book The Grieving Garden, I came across a section of the book which talks about "Continuing the connection." Here, parents discuss different ways wherein they continue to connect with their child.

I couldn't help but think to myself, "what a timely way to start reading that particular section." Just a couple of days ago, my son visited me in my dreams for the first time. He showed himself the age he would be right now, roughly two and half months. The dream went on like this:

Jet and I were laying down in bed, having just woken up. Marcus was brought in by his nanny and placed him sandwiched between Jet and I. He was smiling, moving about actively. His eyes gazed upon mine just like his Mama would. How handsome. Then I placed him on his Mama's chest where he would try and lift his head. I said to myself, "Wow you're so strong, at your age you're trying to lift your head already." I reached out for his tiny hands, where he clenched and held on to my finger with the tightest and strongest of grips. Marcus not only took on his Mama's good looks but her strength as well.

He was so happy, we were so happy. The dream was short but sweet. My son is doing great, he's happy, strong, and healthy. I couldn't ask for more. He reassured me that he never left us. His eyes told me that he's watching us all the time. That dream gave me the much needed comfort, especially from the deep grief I experienced the day before, where I just let go and cried because I missed him terribly.

I believe that the bond between my son and I will never be severed. I know he will always be there to remind me that he loves us and is guiding us always. We have an ongoing relationship, where the author's of The Grieving Garden described as an "etherial tie, that links parent to child in life and beyond death, the Silver Cord."

New Identity

"Identity: also called sameness, is whatever makes an entity definable and recognizable."

The sound of "Papa and Mama" brought immeasurable happiness to our hearts. Just the thought of our son calling us by such is incomparable to any other name that one could be identified.

It feels like just yesterday when I found out I was going to be a father. I still consider myself as one and I will always be, even though our Marcus could not be with us here on earth. There will always be an emptiness in my heart, and an eternal sadness that Jet and I would be carrying with us for the rest of lives.

How do people who do not know us nor who do not know our son Marcus identify us? It's been a little over two months and yet I'm still unsure of how to deal with people. As I read my book The Grieving Garden, I come to realize some issues that parents who lost their child have to deal with, these are the same issues Jet and I go through everyday.

The one that struck me the most is the fact that, we who have lost a child have no word in which to identify us. As one parent said,

"There is no word for a person who has lost a child. There should be, because I feel that in many ways it is the most central thing about who I am."

This is exactly how we feel. We are not the type to solicit pity or are in need of preferential treatment, but how do we tell people? If these people are going to be an integral part of our lives, then they deserve to know that we are parents who have a lost a child. I can lose my head pretty quickly if people have the inability to react, respond, or take in what it means to be a parent who is grieving the loss of child.

Why is it that there are no words to describe parents like us? One could be called a "widow or widower" if they lost their husband or wife. A child could be called an "orphan," after losing his or her parents. Does this mean our society does not put importance when it comes to this issue? I feel like like we are exposed and vulnerable every time we have to say "our son died." At the same time, I feel a protective instinct inside me not to expose my Marcus to those dreaded words.

It's very difficult to approach a friend or an acquaintance, and be confronted by the question "how are you guys?" It's hard enough to answer the question when a dear friend or family member asks, but it's even more difficult when I'm unsure if the person I'm facing knows our story. I often run this scenario in my head, and sad to say I have no answer. This is precisely why we choose to stay home, where we are protected and not have the need to divulge information.

We are fortunate still to be surrounded by family and friends who understand, but the fact remains, most people won't understand. Our lives will never be the same, but we can cling to the hope that one day we will see our Marcus in heaven. This is who Jet and I are now, we are parents and we are proud to be but we are also parents who lost our Baby Marcus, but we will forever be "Papa and Mama."

40 Days

March 17, 2010, marks the 4oth day since Marcus' passing. Though in our hearts we know he is in heaven already, we celebrate this day to formally send him up to be with God our Father and be with the rest of our loved ones, most especially his Grandpa Jaime.

We offered mass for our dear Marcus, just as my family here in the Philippines and my siblings in France and San Francisco did. Although we weren't all together during this day, our hearts and minds were ONE filled with the Love and thought of our precious little boy.

40 days... I find myself much more emotional and in deep grief whenever I think about our little boy. I feel his loss even more now compared to the past few weeks. I look at his pictures, listen to his music, and recite his prayers and my tears flow like waterfalls. I often have a hard time breathing because the combination of the pain and my asthma make it even more difficult.

After mass, we had everyone tie a small card to balloons with a prayer for Marcus and each wrote a personal note before releasing it. It read:

Oh, Little Angel

Oh, little boy, we looked forward to the day you would be born,

But alas, the Lord left us forlorn.

You didn't leave us without a fight.

You fought to stay on Earth with all your might.

You are now resting in the heavens above,

You left surrounded by your family's strong love.

Our arms are now empty, our hearts are so sad,

You will always be remembered by your mom and your dad.

So to God your tiny soul we release.

We know that your heart is at eternal peace.

It was written by Mary Tetzlaff. What a fitting tribute by a loving parent to her son. We couldn't help but borrow her words to send our darling Marcus to heaven.

When the day drew to a close, I asked Jet, "Where do we go from here?"

Jet calmly replied, "We move on."

I can sense she was trying to be strong for the both of us, because I'm at my weakest right now.

Marcus left us but he didn't leave us empty handed. Although he isn't with us physically, he filled our hearts. He left us and filled our hearts with our Love for him. He left us and filled our hearts with Love of family and friends. He left us and filled our hearts with Love for one another. A gift of love that will never be broken and that will strengthen as each day passes when we think of him, always reminding us.

I thank the Lord and Marcus, for filling my heart with love that is even greater than ever before. Love for my parents, my siblings, my sister's husbands, Alexis, the Torres family, Lola, our friends, and most especially Jet.

To my darling Marcus, I love you and your Mama more and more each day!

Family and Friends

March... already seems like an eternity. I probably wouldn't even notice the days going by if I don't look at the calendar.

The last two to three days of February were kind to Jet and I. We found comfort in the company of each other as well as Lola. Our puppy never fails to give us something to smile and laugh about even if it was just temporary. Of course, the never ending support of our family and friends who are always there for us.

Friday night, Mike Thio, one of my best friends was throwing a party for his 31st birthday. Yet, he did not forget to invite Jet and I even though he knew we weren't going to make it. I know he was always thinking about Jet and I. We haven't seen him since Marcus' service.

Last Saturday, a dozen Crispy Creme donuts were delivered with some wonderful mangoes, strawberries, and home cooked food from my Mom and siblings. The night before, Mama sent cooked food from Conti's. Makes preparing food much simpler for us as we are still not 100% percent.

Later in the afternoon, Ate Belle and Miguel joined us for church. After church we proceeded down to CPK to have dinner where Jet and Ate Belle had some alone time while Miguel accompanied me to National Bookstore. Mama arrived soon after with Bea, Cielo, and Daniela. We were looking for Mica but she was still on her way home from her camping trip. We all shared dinner together, taking our time as we spent a nice evening together.

Yesterday, our dear friend Patricia sent us a wonderful message. She wrote:

"Hello, my dear friends. I've been busy and would like to spend time but work is crazy. But you're in my thoughts & prayers, just like today. I was moved to send u this - 1 Peter 5:7 says "casting the whole of ur care [all anxieties, worries, concerns once & for all] on Him, for He cares for u affectionately & cares about u watchfully". Be sure that even God hurts when u hurt, that ur pain is His pain, too. He doesn't like seeing his children cry. But He is also (in Psalm 6:26) your salvation, ur ROCK, DEFENSE, FORTRESS. When u can't He can! God loves u and I love you both. I'll see u soon!"

Jet and I can't thank our family and friends enough for the never ending love and support we receive each day. Not once, did any of them forget to message us, ask how we are doing, and to see that we are getting through okay. It makes coping with our loss easier.

I'm sure our Marcus is extremely proud just as Jet and I are, to have such loving family and friends.

Barely Getting By

It's been days since my last entry in our journal. I try to get myself up and write down my thoughts and feelings, but cannot seem to. Instead I try to go about our day making sure everything is in order and making sure Jet and Lola have everything they need.

Have I been afraid of my feelings which I'm keeping inside? Perhaps! Today is tougher than ever. After having gone to the place where our son was taken from us inflicted more pain in my wounded heart. All I can think and feel today is that I should be watching Marcus, I should be feeding him, changing him, or playing with him. To hear him laugh or cry or just to see him open his eyes. I can only dream and imagine. It's killing me.

It pains me to see my Jet cry and hurt. I wish I could say everything will be alright but I'll just be fooling myself. Things won't be alright, today, tom, the following day, and the day after. This is how I feel and see things right now. I won't be able to see my son grow. We won't be able to spend time as father and son. Everything that I do always has a thought of Marcus attached to it. As simple as washing the dishes, I think about washing his bottles. When I tidy up, all I see is that I'm tidying his things as well.

I'm afraid. I feel as if there will be a sudden outpour of emotions yet to come out from the shell that I have created in my heart. Yet, through this great emotional struggle I still find some light from God. I am reminded that He is in control of our life. With such reassurance I am barely getting by...

I pray that we will be okay. God, I put my trust in You. Show us the way, tell me what it is that You want from me and I will whole heartedly follow.

Marcus my sweet baby boy. I miss you so much! I love you with all my heart!!!

Extraordinary Love and Kindness

The day of hearts didn't really mean much to me this time around. How can I even start to think and feel love when my heart is broken. Still, our little Angel Marcus found a way to make me feel that love is all around; my heart will heal because Jet and I are blessed to have such loving and caring family and friends, but most of all each other. I've forgotten that for a moment until the end of the day.

My day started out much better than the past two days. My mind was clear, happy with the thought of Marcus. I even had the biggest breakfast I've had in weeks. I switched on the television and lounged on the couch. Was I getting better? Or just trying to ignore my thoughts and feelings to remain strong?

As our day progressed, I began replying to messages from my folks and siblings. They text us everyday to check up on us and make sure we're okay and have everything we need. Then, I suddenly found myself in the bedroom while sitting and looking at Marcus' clothes and other things, I began sobbing uncontrollably. This is when I realized that the pain is still very real and and wounds are as fresh as the first day we lost our son. Only when Jet asked if I was alright that the tears went away.

Jet and I got ready to go to church. At the mall we met our good friend, Mela, who joined us for mass along with Jet's brother Chebong, his wife Lizza, and their two children Max and Elisse. Soon after, our nephew Miguel and our niece Daniela showed up with Grandma Myrna, Tita Belle, nieces Mica, Bea... and Cielo, who was still down with the fever but joined us for mass.

At dinner, Jet and I told Ate Belle the story of the florist who went out of his way to accommodate our request to make an arrangement for Marcus, when he could've easily turned us down. Ate Belle then told us stories of amazing kindness when they were arranging everything for Marcus' service.

We were told of how people provided her with extra care and assistance as she chose Marcus' baptismal gown. The seamstress that labored till 4 a.m. to make Marcus' beautiful satin bed. Ms. Bantigue who searched all night to find the perfect urn for Marcus. The staff at the photoshop who bumped Ate Belle ahead of other customers to make sure the pictures of Marcus will be printed. Greenhills staff Gina, Joey, Jimmy and cousin Rhoda who assisted Ate Belle till the wee hours of the night. Alain & Gina Duminy, and Ate Mache who stayed up all night to make the AVP we requested. Tita Anne's friend, Hazel, a professional funeral events coordinator who provided her service for free. Our friends who showed up in such short notice, bringing whatever they could for the service. All of these tasks done within less than 24 hours for Jet and I, and most especially for our little Marcus.

The greatest of which, are family and friends who came together in the name of love to send our little Angel up in Heaven on February 9, 2010...

These were some of the stories that made Jet and I realize that Marcus brought out extraordinary love and kindness from people around us, whether they are family or friends or most especially strangers whom out of their own goodness came through. We will be forever grateful. How do we repay our family, friends, and the people who pitched in for our Marcus? The only way we can is to always be there for our family and friends. To be kind citizens and go the extra mile when people around us are in need.

My heartfelt gratitude to the florist, the saleslady at the mall, the seamstress, the salesperson at the photoshop, Ms. Bantigue, Gina, Joey, Jimmy, Hazel, Tita Anne, Rhoda, Ate Mache, Alain & Gina Duminy, our friends, and most especially to our wonderful FAMILIES, who continually help us get through our loss each and everyday. Thank you Ate Belle and Mama for making daily trips to Makati to join Marcus, Jet, and I for mass. Thank you Mom and Regina who never fail to check up on Jet and I everyday. For all those who I missed out, thank you!!! You all know who you are!

Most of all, thank you Marcus!!! Thank you for reminding Papa that love is always around and the world is still filled with selfless and kind people. I love you my son!

Papa

Day 4 (continued)

Day 4, it seems more and more difficult to cope with our son Marcus' passing. I feel exactly as I did yesterday when it felt like I was struggling to do anything. Yet, my thoughts about Marcus, gives me strength and carries me through the day, and what I need to do for Jet and I. Not so much for me, but more for my Jet, she needs me to be strong for the both of us.

I've been wanting to write my thoughts for quite some time now, may it be on the computer or on paper. I haven't gotten to it till today. Why, it's because I don't want to do anything but to daydream about our little angel. I often ask myself, "Why should I keep my thoughts and feelings cooped up inside when I can share them with Jet?" I fear I may forget how I was feeling or forget what my thoughts were as each day passes. Therefore, today is when I begin to be more open about my thoughts and feelings.

My tears have subsided but the pain is still there. Often I have visions of "what may have been." It makes me smile and at the same time makes me terribly sad with the thought of how our little family could've been sharing great times together.

A few days ago, I saw a comment on Facebook from people I don't know. They were talking about kids. One person posted a comment saying something like, "As long as you're not on diaper duty dude." I immediately wanted to say, "I'd give anything to be given the chance to go on diaper duty for our little Marcus." It saddens me that some people take little moments with their child for granted. There are parents out there who would give their life for such precious moments, even as simple as changing a baby's diaper.

The passing of our son gave me so many realizations in my life. I realized and truly understand that God is now in control of my life. I offer my pain and suffering to Him because I believe that He is a kind God and He knows what's best for me. I realized even more that my love for Jet knows no boundaries. I realized that no matter how difficult I have been as a partner, a friend, a brother, and a son - Jet, my family and friends are always there for me no matter what. I will no longer take any of them for granted. I also realized that I have such a loving and caring second family in the Torres'. They continue to be there and love me unconditionally just like my own family. I truly am blessed.

Our Little Angel Marcus is truly heaven sent. His love is so great that he makes me a better person everyday. He makes me remember who I have around me and not to take them for granted. With his memory in my heart and mind always, I am a better person.

I love you my son! I miss you!...

Papa