Tonight after dinner while waiting for the car to arrive, my niece Cielo went up to me and said with a smiling face, "You still look pregnant," pertaining to my still somewhat rounded belly.
I was not offended or hurt in any way. To be honest it was quite flattering to me. Weird? Masochistic? Not at all.
I love clinging to whatever memory, physical or otherwise, that reminds me of my Marcus. Because when I was pregnant, it was one of the happiest moments in my life. If still looking pregnant or remaining overweight for a while is something I have to live with to remember my baby, then so be it.
Most women after they give birth race to lose their baby weight... not me.
I embrace every bit of postpartum manifestation I'm experiencing. Sweating, skin breakouts/acne, mood swings... you name it I'm all for it. These things I am experiencing because I had Marcus. That to me is perfection.
The main reason why I still wear my maternity clothes. That time when I was carrying Marcus was genuine euphoria.
Interestingly enough, I am still recovering from my C-section and am not yet allowed to do strenuous activities. No exercise, no extreme dieting. It is as if my body is telling me not to rush into anything. My body, my own time.
I can assure however, that I have no plans of letting go of myself. I am just not built to be sloppy - not that I'm lousy-looking now. Two months after giving birth, I don't look half bad. In time I will lose the weight, I know that for a fact. For now, I am relishing the trail bits of my pregnancy. I will soak up every bit of my Marcus experience.
Inevitably my stomach will get smaller. My pre-maternity clothes are starting to fit. Though I'm not just about to wear my Spanx yet.
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