"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Monday, April 12, 2010

Facing Another Day Without My Love

Today is my oldest sister, Ate Mache's birthday. It's her big 4-0, so we want to make sure we will be there for her birthday dinner tonight.

Jhon reminded me about tonight's event when we got up this morning. I honestly forgot about it. My initial thoughts when I wake up every morning is my love, Marcus. Today I woke up singing to the song Fly by Celine Dion in my head.

"Fly little wing..."
Before getting up I told Jhon how I missed our Marcus so very much. I imagined him laying in between us in bed. Or maybe sleeping soundly on his Papa Jhon's chest.

Jhon visualized us dressing him up nicely for tonight's dinner. "Imagine when we bring him in, the attention will veer away from the birthday girl and everybody will start crowding our baby boy," he said smiling, his eyes starting to tear.

It is still very hard for us to go on each day without our son. Yesterday, when Jhon proudly uttered how Marcus is undoubtedly my junior, I exhibited a wide and genuinely happy smile -- one that does not happen very often these days. I immediately responded, "Of course!"

For a split second, my mind thought that I was still pregnant and Marcus was still yet to be born. It was bliss.

My smile disappeared as fast as it came when reality struck.

Today is my sister's birthday. Jhon and I are again faced with another day where we need to put on a smiling face.

The bittersweet reality of celebrating another year of blessing of one's life while, at the same time, silently grieving the great loss of another.

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