"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Sunday, April 25, 2010

He Sends Us Rainbows

April 14, 2010, while discussing on how we should gradually move on in life, Jhon and I received a truly wonderful sign - better yet, a gift - from above... from our darling Marcus. During times when we feel extra down and low, he shows himself to us in the most magnificent way.

Right before our eyes just outside our window appeared the most beautiful rainbow. I have never seen such an extraordinary sight! The gift of a rainbow little Marcus gave us was so vivid and enormous that it did not look real. In my 35 years I honestly have never seen a rainbow so big, I had to move my head from side to side to appreciate its entirety. It literally covered the whole skies. The beautiful display was so overwhelming that we knew undoubtedly this gift materialized just for us. It was staring us in the face, we could almost touch it. Indeed the heavens opened up to us that day. Our baby Marcus visited us.

I hurriedly gave Jhon the camera and he lovingly took shots of the beautiful wonder right outside our balcony. Sadly, the camera could not do justice to the true beauty of this rainbow. The sheer size and surreal colors of it. We were in awe.

Truthfully, I barely saw any rainbows in my life. Looking back now, the last memory I have of a real rainbow was when I was small. The reason why I feel so blessed having been given this special gift by our little angel.

We are doing our best to move on. We cope the best way we can. And every step of the way, Marcus is there with us guiding us, lighting our way.

Since we are privileged with an unobstructed view of the Makati skyline, our darling baby boy found a way to communicate with us each day. Every day we see him in the skies, when the hue is baby blue and the clouds are shaped like cotton. Every morning when I open the curtains I see him, saying good morning. Every bright morning I hear him say to me, I love you Mama. And when the skies are gray, I feel he knows we miss him so.

We see Marcus in the skies. We see our son sleeping in the clouds, resting soundly with God.

And when we are down or in need of guidance he gives us the gift of a beautiful rainbow.

A few weeks ago, March 21, 2010, 4 days after his Send-off to Heaven, he gave us his first present, our first rainbow.

Ever so faintly, he said hello to us, telling us he is safe and happy in the arms of Jesus. As if he was responding to the loving gesture we gave him on his 40th day.

I felt he was agreeing with me too, because when this rainbow appeared before us I was discussing with Jhon how I plan to continue his memory. I believe that this whole experience we went through must have a bigger purpose from God, and we have to act on it. I told Jhon how I wanted to honor Marcus' short yet meaningful life. How we could help others who sadly go through what we went through. This topic I will elaborate at a later time, but I believe that when I had this epiphany, Marcus said "Yes Mama, please help others too, the parents and their babies."

I agree with what Jhon said about the Silver Cord. This invisible connection that binds the parent with their child even after death. One of our silver cords with Marcus are the skies. All we need to do is look out and look up, there he will be.

Sometimes when I feel resentful towards certain people and reminded with the dreaded situation where we were not given enough time and the chance to preserve our short and very precious moments with our son, I find solace in the fact that Marcus still blesses us with other forms of his memory. And every time he does, we make sure we capture every bit of it.

Thank you my baby for always watching over Mama and Papa. Thank you God for the gift of the skies.

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