This blog entry I wrote roughly a year ago when Papa Jhon and I went on a one-month vacation retreat to aid our healing. I posted this in my private blog were no other eyes are allowed expect me and myself. I though I would share this - for next week, we will be going back to this island paradise... for my birthday.
Needless to say, a lot has happened in one year, and I cannot complain. The only thing that will never change is my missing my Marcus every single day.
Please read on...
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DAY 19: MY VIEW AT OUR LITTLE ISLAND PARADISE
To aid us with our search for enlightenment and peace, God had blessed us with a glorious view for the duration of our vacation in this island paradise. I cannot deny being thankful for each blessed day of my life waking up to this magnificent sight. I feel so close to God - and my baby boy - being so near the skies way up on this mountain. It is quite impossible to ignore this extraordinary sight.
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I was flooded with great realizations a couple of days ago. Living in this picturesque place each day makes any person feel so elated that one cannot help but dream - and live the fantasy of an the island life. And why not, right?
Two years ago, the love of my life and I literally planned on living it out here. Everything was set and we were about to embark on a life in a tiny island. But looking back at that time today, God did not mean for us to experience that. It was not in God's plan, and we see it so clearly now.
A few weeks ago, as we planned our vacation retreat everything seemed easier, lighter. All the pieces just came together like it was fate. We knew right away that God intended for us to experience this retreat. This time around He knew that we totally needed this for our recovery. It was not for selfish reasons and worldly intentions, but for pure reflection and the true search for inner peace.
Everything happened so smoothly for us that we were led to believe we were meant to finally live the island life. It seemed like we can have it going here. Opportunities were laid out for us... it seemed. We have God's favor. Together with our enlightenment, it seemed that God wanted us to have our "new beginning" living in a tiny island.
What do we have going for us in the city? What were we about to leave there if we decided to truck it out here? It seemed that there was none. The options seemed brighter here... more inspiring, more promising, more peaceful. Probably the peace that we cannot seem to find in the city.
Were we blinded by the bright lights of "living a vacation life?" Will it all appear as bright and cheery when we did decide to live here? How will our everyday life be? Will we still see it as a land of milk and honey? Will the view still look as amazing as how we see it now?
It was too good, that we hoped it would be true.
What about our projects in the city? Our plans of helping others, our advocacy to honor our baby M. It could not be done here.
Maybe we are indeed destined to live here - but not just yet.
We have unfinished, more like un-started, business in the city. There are people - children - waiting to be offered a helping hand. How could we abandon them? How could we abandon the cause we are so eager to start for our son?
Are we about to abandon everything that we hoped to accomplish for a life of ease and laid-back existence? The island life?
I believe that while the book I am reading, Your Best Life Now, proclaims a life of extraordinary favor from God, it too says that in order to achieve God's supernatural favor, we have to do our part and work for it.
I believe that God has done, and is still blessing us with, His extraordinary favor with each beautiful day that we spend here on the island. I felt His immeasurable love and favor a few days ago when He granted me with the PEACE that I have been hoping and praying for. I have accomplished what I came here to do and I now spend each day keeping my heart and soul open for His next plan for me.
What does He want for me now? I am certain I live my life working to achieve amazing things, because that is how God intends my life to be - exceptional. He did not intend for me, or any of His children, to live a mediocre life. He is a giving God. Our Father only intends the best for His children.
The favor that He has granted me in this retreat is the release of all my past hurts and repressions. He has blessed me with the privilege to let go. He has released me from the crippling memories that have been pulling me down for years. The emotional baggage that I have been carrying around for years and years. I am now free. I am now at peace.
I await for His next plan for me. For now, I spend each day just soaking up the beauty that He has created.
We have 11 days left... and I can't wait to discover what He has in store for me with the days to come.
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