"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Friday, January 07, 2011

Happy Birthday Papa Jhon

Today is Papa Jhon's birthday... his first birthday without our baby Marcus. Exactly last year today, Jhon celebrated his birthday with a big smile on his face, because last year we were very much pregnant and counting the days to see our beautiful baby boy Marcus in person.

Today is a good day for Jhon, though the word bittersweet seem to be a staple vocabulary for us now, it is what today is for him.

Last night before the eve of his birthday he was in good spirits. It was obvious that he was looking forward for it to be his day. After we arrived from an evening out buying our Marcus' special storage boxes - where we will place all his baby things - Jhon smilingly said, "I will chill tonight and just lounge." So he settled himself comfortably on the sofa and played his favorite video game Plants vs. Zombies. When midnight came we cheered together with a resounding "Woohoo!" and while carrying Lola, I sang to him Happy Birthday three times. Happy birthday Papa, happy birthday Papa... After the singing and cheering, Jhon went to our baby's sanctuary and kissed Marcus' urn and said, "Thank you baby." Jhon was happy.

When this morning came I knew Jhon woke up in a good mood. As always, he got up ahead of me and went by his morning routine. I faintly heard him speak with Ate Sherry when she called to greet him. And when I got up, Jhon was smiling. He could not wait to start celebrating his day. He received text messages constantly and phone calls here and there. I was very happy to witness how many people remembered his special day.

While having our morning coffee I asked him again what he wanted to do for his birthday, as I have been bugging him for days. Did he want to see family and friends? Did he want to have drinks with them? What about dinner? He just plainly said "I want a quiet birthday." I knew I could not argue with that.

He decided to stay in tonight so I went on to fix our Marcus' baby things this afternoon. I have been wanting to do this project since November but never seemed to get the chance to do it. I wanted to fix and arrange our baby's things that we displayed in his sanctuary as well as his baby clothes that I kept in our closet. I did not want them to get old and weathered so we bought beautiful storage boxes for them. Marcus' storage trunks as we would call it.

Jhon was very much okay and offered his hand to help. Quite refreshing to see honestly, because he had been quite emotional lately. I feel for him so much. It seemed like I have been the strong one these past months and I do my best to see him through. It was good to see him "get back on his feet."

Going through our baby's things brought us back eleven months ago when it all happened, though we somehow feel and handle it better now. There were occasional tears though it felt more like a pivotal step in our recovery had transpired this afternoon. Why, of all days, and after numerous efforts to accomplish this project, today - on Jhon's birthday - we finally realized it.

I told Jhon that a miracle was being done on his birthday. And it had Marcus written all over it.

Tonight, we were supposed to have dinner at Seven Corners to satisfy Jhon's craving for good steak and seafood. Mama Myrna even asked if she could join us and Jhon was touched by the affection. Though for some reason, things were not going as planned so we opted to reschedule. We were meant to stay in today.

So what truly transpired this afternoon?

Our Marcus is with us today and he was talking to Jhon. It was clear that our baby, together with God, controlled the events on Jhon's birthday and they had something special for him. A gift.

We transferred our baby's personal belongings in storage boxes today. To put away for safe-keeping. It is a chapter in our lives, our recovery, that is being completed. We, most specially Jhon, is somehow being inspired to move on. It is a clear message from Marcus that he wants his Papa Jhon to know that it is okay to get better - to feel better.

There is a line that always gets me in the movie Disney's Up. We have been catching the movie at the Disney channel several times these past weeks. This movie is our movie for Marcus. It is really special to us. And this afternoon while speaking about this monumental step we went through this afternoon, I felt compelled to reiterate to Jhon this favorite movie line of mine. I felt that I had to share it to him, it felt like I was being told to relay it to him. This very simple line yet very meaningful to me and our story, our story with Marcus.
"Thank you for the adventure. Now go get a new one."
Our baby boy works in extraordinary ways to help us with every aspect of our lives, and this is one of them. He is our little guardian angel. And today, he is here for his Papa Jhon. Another miracle, really.

It is a bigger, better, brighter start and new beginning for Papa Jhon. And I can't wait to witness his greatness. Because Marcus will be there with him every step of the way.

I am overwhelmed by our Marcus' magic. Thank you my baby.

A Love Note to Papa Jhon from Baby Marcus:
Happy birthday Papa! You are the best Papa in the whole wide world!
I am always here watching over you. Whenever you feel down, just think of me and I will always make you feel better... because I always whisper to God to take care of you. 
I know you keep me forever in your heart Papa, because I feel your love everyday. And today, on your birthday, I am there with you Papa, celebrating with you.
Mama and Lola Talula are there to give you the tightest hug like Superman, and the sweetest kiss like cotton candy for me. 
I love you very much Papa! Happy birthday!
Your baby boy, Marcus

No comments:

Post a Comment