Today marks Marcus' supposed sixth month birthday. Many, mostly family and friends, are probably wondering how Jhon and Jet are.
Just last night, Marcus visited me again in my dream. I wasn't filled with sadness because my son and I had a short conversation which revealed the answer I have been praying for. How can I be sad with an answer from God delivered by my sweet angel baby boy. It's a secret that he and I have, and in time this secret will be revealed.
Yesterday, when Jet and I were talking about the day that will be Marcus' sixth month brought about a conversation about our baby in the future tense. We talked about how Marcus would have been chubby, starting to move about, or just simply alive and well. Are we crazy? Is it denial? I don't think so, I see it more as hope and anticipation that one day we will be reunited with our baby boy in heaven, never to part again.
Occasionally, we'd experience many emotional moments. The difference from just a few months ago and now is that we both can take a deep breath and move on. It's not because we don't want to release our emotions, it's because we'd want to be able to continue working on the projects made possible by our son's love, and most importantly, a promise we made to our son that we would live our life to the fullest.
I often tell Jet that I like the person that I am now. I feel and believe I am a much better person all around. I have a much much better outlook in life, and the future. I try my best to be a better person to everyone around me. I feel that life is too short to worry about small issues or petty circumstances. There are many more important things that need attention. I am more positive and I have my son to thank for this new found outlook in our life.
So if you ask how Marcus' parents are today? The answer lies in all that we are setting out to do. In all of our projects, our relationship with each other, our family, and our friends. Though we are not completely healed, we are taking "baby steps" and moving towards a more positive tomorrow.
For now, on our son's sixth month birthday, I just want to give some time to remember my son, light him a candle and pray for his eternal peace. I still wish to cuddle him, hold his hand, and kiss his tiny lips even just for a moment. I know it's not possible but I will always and forever long for him, and till that day comes I will be grateful that God gave us our Marcus...
Papa Loves you very much baby Marcus!!!
We are absolutely changed people as a result of losing our children, the distinction that really honors our lost babies is that you are choosing to become a better person as a result of this loss. A person who desires to make a difference in this world and to live life to the fullest...what an incredible honor to your sons memory. Thinking of you both and your precious Marcus & sending prayers of love and peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you for consistently sending us a message of love and support Rebecca. It gives us comfort knowing that we are still connecting with others. We are doing our best to honor our son and channel the love we have for him into projects that will in turn help people in need. Thank you for your encouraging words.
ReplyDeleteMy thoughts are with you, your husband and your little angel Lily. Praying for your peace.
Jet