"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Not As Easy

I finally updated my baby's Photo Memories page. Ever since I discovered the world of digital scrapbooking, I have been meaning to use these interesting elements to improve the overall look of Marcus' photos. Voila.

I realized that while I believe my days have been much better lately, seeing my Marcus' pictures for hours while working on the project made me yearn for him all over again. This feeling of being transported back in time... to the night I lost my sweet son. Staring at his beautiful and angelic face makes me want to hug him tight and keep him in my arms. I long for him. After 5 months without my son I realized that I still feel the physical pain of having "empty arms." While my heart aches for my baby, my arms ache to cradle him. 

I am learning how to live with the pain. The physical pain of my broken heart and the pain of my empty, aching arms. I will just have to keep teaching myself to live with it.

Though I do embrace feeling the pain, I would rather that than feel numb inside. I long for my son, and I do not see any wrong in that.

No comments:

Post a Comment