"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Monday, July 05, 2010

Mama's Love

Sunday was a very quiet time for Jet and I. We spent the day just lounging and enjoying each others company in the comfort of our home. We popped in a couple of movies which included "Hot Tub Time Machine" and "The Back-Up Plan."

We didn't expect much from "Hot Tub Time Machine," though we were pleasantly surprised. There were a few scenes that gave us a good workout, I was literally crying. I haven't laughed like that for quite sometime now. We moved on to the next movie, again not expecting much. We do this often now so as not to get disappointed with high expectations from previews and all. Neither of us had a clue as to what the plot of the movie was till we began watching it. From the get-go, we knew Jennifer Lopez wanted to be a mother.

Throughout the movie, no part truly touched me more than seeing Jennifer's character had an ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat of her twins. I could still hear my son's heartbeat fast and strong. Also, towards the end when her boyfriend was reading a book to the two infant girls -- it made Jet and I cry...

I know how much sadness fills my heart during moments like these, especially when I least expect it. I want so much to be a Papa to Marcus. But what makes my grief more intense than that of my own is when I see Mama Jet grieving our loss. Jet wants to be Mama so much, more than most people could ever know. I could never imagine how it truly feels to be Mama. I don't know how it feels to carry our son in her womb for 7 months, I don't know how it feels to experience "empty arms," and I don't know how it feels to have that special bond between mother and child. All I know is how much Jet wants to be Mama to Marcus.

I believe I can say nobody knows how great of a mama Jet is but me. One can feel how much Jet embraced being mama, if you witnessed it. Even before we lost Marcus, we would have countless conversations about our plans and her plans for our son. Everyday she woke up brought about joy that only parents would experience when expecting their first child. How she looked even more beautiful while carrying our son and how her love exuded in every possible way. Now, Mama Jet has a new reason for being. Soon others will see a glimpse of how great of a mama Jet is. Not for personal glory but for love, an advocacy driven by the love for our Marcus. I know she's the best Mama, and she still is and always will be. Go for it MAMA JET, we are here behind you all the way!!


  1. You are my love, my best friend.

    Thank you for the beautiful words Papa Jhon. You know that without you I will not find enough strength to make these thoughts materialize. You are my no. 1 cheerleader. Our baby Marcus is my muse. Lola is the perfect companion.

    Thank you for your unconditional love and support. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for the endless advice. Thank you for always holding my hand.

    I love you Papa Jhon.

    For without baby Marcus, we will not be led to greater heights. We can do this Papa Jhon. Marcus knows that your love for him will lead you to greater, more valuable things.

  2. I'm so sorry for the loss you both have experienced & the depths of the grief you now know. I came across your blog while seeking out others who have dealt with infant loss. My husband & I lost our daughter Lily a week ago due to premature labor. It brings me some hope to see how much you each are caring for each other in spite of your pain & grief. My husband & I too feel we have grown even closer in the midst of this tragedy & pray that God has a plan for our lives.

  3. Thank you for posting a comment Rebecca. It is heartwarming to know that we are indeed not alone, though I am deeply sorry that you now share this circle.

    I am so sorry for your loss. Reading about your story brought tears to my eyes. I know exactly how you feel. No pain is greater than losing your child. You are blessed to have your husband with you to hold your hand and grieve with you. Your intense love for your daughter will see you through together. I will pray for you both.

    Keep your faith strong. God is with you. And your little angel Lily is watching over you.