"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief... and unspeakable love.” - Washington Irving

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

I am Marcus' Papa

Several days before Father's day, I was at the mall running an errand when I came across a father and son sitting quietly at the cafe. As I made my way pass them I noticed the son was sleeping securely on his father's arms and shoulder. His father holding him with the utmost care one can give his child. He too catches a few winks as they wait for mommy to come back.

I tell myself with a smile and some amount of grief, "that could've been Marcus and I." I carry on about my errand facing another day without my boy.

I smile because I had thoughts that it was Marcus and I sitting on that couch waiting for Mama Jet. Crazy as it sounds, but I do daydream often about Marcus. I always want to remember my son as he were alive. I know in my heart and mind that he is very much alive in heaven waiting patiently for his family.

June 20, 2010, Father's Day. I didn't feel much sadness during this day. Jet greeted me, my family greeted me, I know my son was with me. I couldn't help but feel proud to be a father. I am especially proud because God gave us such a handsome and wonderful little boy. He gave us more than anybody could with his short time here on earth. For that, I am even more proud to be his father.

As the day progressed into the night, I was given the most wonderful gift a father could receive from his angel son. Mama Jet, worked all day and dug deep to connect with our Marcus as they collaborated to create the most beautiful message a son would give his father.

Both joy and sadness filled my heart, the tears fell as I read my "Electronic Journal." It brought back so many wonderful memories and feelings we experienced together as a family, yet it's just Mama Jet, Lola, and I that remain here today... We will always have our moments in which we feel bereaved, that will never go away but we have equipped ourselves with the tools that bring faith to our little family.

The scene I witnessed at the mall meant more to me than just another father and child. It gave me a short glimpse as to what I could expect in the future. It gives me hope that one day I too will be given a yet another chance to be the father I want to be.

When that day comes I'll be ready as I ever will be. And most importantly to always keep and hold his memory safe for the rest of my life, because I am Marcus' Papa...


To my Marcus, Jet and Lola. I love you all!
Papa is always here for you!

1 comment:

  1. We love you very much Papa! Thank you for the wonderful entry. Your story about the father and son together with your yearning for our baby Marcus dug deep into my heart. We will all be together again in God's time my love.

    For now, I am sure little Marcus will be looking forward to us having another baby someday. He wants us to be happy. And he knows how an amazing father you would be... because you are and will always be to him. He knows he is your little handyman.

    He will be looking out for us from above. He is our little guardian angel.

    Mama Jet